A few weeks ago my friend and I were saying that when we first found out we were pregnant that all our friends, family, siblings ect… where super excited and then the baby came and the visits stopped. We were both left wondering what happened? Where had the excitement gone? The pregnancy bubble (like the housing bubble) had burst both literally and figuratively. Faster than you can say “you gotta see the baby” the friends and family have come and gone. Here are my thoughts….
When you first found out you were pregnant there was a flurry of excitement. Everyone couldn’t wait to find out what you were having, then they couldn’t wait to see the baby and then you never hear from them again. While you are pregnant everyone dotes on you they even “shower” you with presents, when you have the baby everyone flocks to the hospital to see the “little one”. Once you come home there is a small window where those who missed you at the hospital are desperate to see the baby will come by but after that forget it. No one wants to see you or the baby. They want life to go back to normal because for them it went back to normal the moment you had the baby. Their life hasn’t changed and they now have their drinking/shopping/dinner buddy back. So you sit in the house with your new born baby thinking what happened? Everyone was so excited and now that you’re here no one cares.
It’s a bit of a sad reality but for the most part your friends who don’t have kids will show up at occasions. On the occasion you invite them over and the baby screams the whole time and it’s just a disaster. They will have no problem showing up at the christening with a gift in hand (sure they complained the whole way through it) but had no problem doing shots at the luncheon afterwards. They will be more than happy to spoil your little one with presents on their first birthday just as happy as they are to drink all the wine you put out just for them because you are a grown adult and know that it is inappropriate to drink at a 1 year olds birthday. They however will get sloshed and need to be babysat.
The reason I know all of this is because I was a person without a child for years. Tossing back cocktails before heading off to a first birthday party, drinking wine while the child opens gifts and trying to control my hangover at an early morning christening. I was the person standing in the back of the room looking bored and unamused as your child tears through the pile of gifts your parents spoiled them with. I too came to see the baby and ran home and forgot to call. Now I just feel bad. New moms need there friends! Sure a new mom can’t hang out the way she used to but she still needs her friends for an occasional cocktail or shopping trip. She needs her non-mom friends for a break from the world of diapers, bottles and binky’s.
And on the same note. New moms need each other. We provide each other with something that our non-mom friends can’t. For awhile you may feel like the only people you want to befriend are those with kids. I find myself going out of my way to make friends or re friend people with children. But this does not mean that I don’t need my non mom friends. Moms need a balance of mom friends and non mom friends. They also need there friends to keep in touch, to call, text and visit because some days it can be a little lonely spending your day with someone who can’t talk to you. New moms may not have the time to call or visit but by having a friend reach out to hang out with mom and baby means so much.
I felt this exact way when Peyton was born. I thought people would be coming over all the time, but I think we got 3 visitors the whole time. I was actually really upset about it for awhile.