I’m lonely.
There I said it.
It’s not really as terrible as it sounds. I’m not “seek medical attention” lonely. I’m just plain old lonely.
Before I had Jack I had a vision of what being a mom would be like. I envisioned trips to the park, days at the zoo, and lots of play dates.
I imagined a group of moms and babies packed into my living room drinking coffee (the moms of course) and playing with the kids. I thought life would be busy, full of activities, I actually thought working would mean that I would be missing out on play date fun.
Turns out I was wrong.
When I left my job, I remember saying to the girls at work that Jack and I would have so many more opportunities to do things. To join play groups, to hang with other moms and kids, to do all the things that the three of us constantly thought we were missing while we were at work.
Again it turns out I was wrong.
I’m not missing out on any activities. There are no mid week activities. No coffee play dates. No trips to the park with other moms and kids.
Just Jack and I.
Which most days, is wonderful.
But sometimes it’s downright lonely. Last Wednesday in particular was lonely. It was a beautiful day. John was supposed to be off but he had to go to work. I had mentally planned a whole day for us: going out to breakfast, heading to the park, running errands at the mall in the afternoon. When John had to work I decided to keep with my plan, except the part about breakfast. No way was I going out to breakfast by myself.
So I loaded Jack into the car and we headed to the playground in Ocean City for some serious swing time. At first we were the only people there and it was nice having the park to ourselves. Then after about 5 minutes the place started filling with 3 and 4 year olds and their parents. Moms paired off sitting on benches, drinking coffee and chatting. Kids ran and played together. This was the life I had imagined.
And yet I was sitting on a bench spooning strained carrots into Jack’s mouth, drinking my coffee alone. These moms all knew each other, their kids all knew each other.
I simply was out of my league. Not that I expected these random playground moms to embrace me and make me a part of their group. I simply want my own group; my own tribe of moms to go to the park and have coffee with. Is that really so much to ask?
There has been much talk of moving lately in our house. Not of going far away but of getting a bigger home. My mom keeps saying we need a neighborhood with kids.
The thing is there are kids in our neighborhood it’s just most of them are in school or at daycare.
My mom noted when she was raising us that she could walk out the door and there were other moms with kids outside playing in the neighborhood. She wants that for Jack and me.
But I gently explained to her, “I don’t think that world exists anymore. Moms just don’t stay home, like they used to”.
I have had a dozen friends have babies in the past 15 months and I am the only stay at home mom.
And so in lies my dilemma. How do I find the elusive stay at home mom?
***Disclaimer #1 -I would not trade being home with Jack for anything***
***Disclaimer #2 -I’m not seeking pity, really I’m not. Understanding, sure. Support always, but never pity. ****
Linking up with Things I Can’t Say for..
The world is unfortunately just changed. Growing up, we got together for holidays and parties with neighbors. My friends lived all around me. I didn't have to be driven to play, we rode our bikes or walked. I chose the neighborhood we live in now because it reminded me a lot of where we grew up and based on the number of kids at the bus stop obviously had lots of families. But I've been living there for 5 years now and still haven't met any other kids for Nicholas to play with. And thanks to recent events, I know that even the nicest looking neighborhoods can have awful people living in them so I won't be sending Nicholas out to make friends on his own! The boredom I felt being home this summer is why I ran back to work with a smile on my face. OC/Upper used to have a mom's group with organized playgroups but I don't know if it still does.
OMG, you sound just like me when my 1st set of twins were babies!!! I finally had to get out of my comfort zone and join a Mom's Playgroup. I found it online at Meetup.com (check to see if there's one in your area). They were a fabulous group of moms who stayed home and had kids my age. We were all going bonkers being at home with our kids and it was so nice to have a group of women who I could socialize with. Of course, none of them had twins so I was usually the one who was most scatter-brained and sleep deprived but still…they accepted me with open arms.
My heart goes out to you. I know how lonely it can be. And this is such a great reminder for me to reach out to other moms at the park who are by themselves and may be feeling the same way about the whole SAHM gig.
Found you through Shell's PYHO link up!
This could not resonate with me more, Julia. Same exact situation for me … except my experience was at the playroom at the public library :(. Not like you guys would want to move to Detroit, but you can totally come to our neighborhood!
I was going to suggest meetup.com too. I found a few different groups that way when my boys were little. And from that, stayed close to the ones I really clicked with.
I feel for you. I have always been a working mom, but I can still relate to that feeling of lonliness, of not having other mom friends. The only thing I will say is that it gets easier the older your children get. All of sudden you are going to activities that your kids want to do and finding like minded parents.
Stopping by from PYHO
There is always my stay at home daddy 🙂 He is even worse off than you….no vehicle. There is so much to accomplish in this house that trying to get together on the weekends is an incredible challenge that usually ends up in some sort of argument. I would give anything in the world to be a stay at home mom, espceially when my son wants nothing to do with me when I get home 🙁 He only wants daddy more and more. Juggling it all and trying to find time for play dates and enjoyable days is a challenge for all of us. HOPEFULLY, it will get easier.
Thank you to everyone for the thoughtful suggestions and comments.
The exact same thing happened when I had my son (we lived in Vancouver, BC). I thought I would be surrounded by other moms and babies but no matter how hard I tried, or looked, I just couldn't find a decent play group until we moved to California. Then I found lots of them. Strange how location can make such a huge difference.
Good luck to you! I hope you find some great playdate pals 🙂