Before the holidays I had been feeling a bit off.
Like I just wasn’t all that good at this mothering stuff. Like I would be better off going back to work. Like I was boxed into this space in my house in my neighborhood in my life.
Like my time and my life were not my own. Like everyone had it just a bit better. Like the grass was definitely greener on the other side.
Needless to say I was not happy.
And an opportunity came up to go back to work full time. There was an opening for a position that I thought I could do and do well in.
I wanted it.
I talked to John about it and after going round and round, I realized that it wasn’t the job I wanted but the time. Time to myself. Time out of the house without a toddler.
The freedom to make hair appointments and dentist appointments with out calling upon my in laws to watch Jackson. The freedom to feel like a small bit of time was my own.
And John understood.
I needed balance that was so sorely lost, when I lost my job sharing position.
So we decided to put Jack in nursery school two mornings a week.
I picked a place where I feel comfortable and where Jack is comfortable. A place that when I write the check my stomach doesn’t lurch.
I was nervous and anxious and on the verge of backing out. All weekend I made excuses as to why Monday wasn’t a good day for him to start (the slight cough he had, the fact that we had just gotten back from vacation, that Monday was just so soon)
But This past Monday we packed Jackson’s little back pack up and I dropped him off for his first day of nursery school, because I knew it was best for both of us.
And as I pulled away from the school I glanced at the empty car seat and felt a knot start to form in my throat.
It was the first time I had left my son with people other than family and friends. It was a little milestone come and gone in a few moments.
So I went food shopping. I wandered through Shop Rite muttering to myself that we needed hot dogs and not to forget rolls. And there was no little boy in the shopping cart, no one smiling at me and babbling along about Mickey balloons.
I picked him up 2 and 1/2 hours later. And his teacher and the director both said he did great.
He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay and play. He wanted to go back and say bye to his friends.
He said, “Mama I saw friends” and his smile matched his words.
He talked the whole way home about how he rang bells and did exercises and painted.
And the knot in my throat disappeared. This is good for us, both of us.
Anonymous says
Love it -Chrissy
Julia Hunter says
Thanks Chrissy!
The Preppy Girl in Pink says
It really is good for the both of you! You get some much needed along time and Jack gets some much needed socialization and structure from someone other than his family. It is a good thing for kids to learn to trust in other adults and respect them too. Plus, think of all of the awesome crafts he'll be making and bringing home to you. 🙂
Julia Hunter says
Kristen you are so right he really does need the socilaization and the structure. And I can't wait for him to bring me home crafts.
Heather says
Such a good thing for both of you. You will both be stronger, more relaxed, more fun, and appreciate each other so much more. Enjoy your little guy's independence!
Julia Hunter says
Thank you Heather. In the few days since we have started school it's amazing the difference I see in both of us.
Kimberly says
Oh, I have been having that same struggle here too – I need time to myself, but don't have anywhere to turn to get it.
This will be good for both of you. He will be able to socialize with kids his age, as well as learn new things. Plus, you will get a bit of time to yourself as well. Enjoy it!!
Julia Hunter says
It's so hard when you know you need the time but don't know how to get it. My husband works long hours so it was always a struggle for me to get a hair cut or go to a md appt. So now I think I will feel like I have some freedom. I hope you find a way to get some time for yourself, even just a few hours a week makes a difference.
marie says
I am glad you found a solution. Whenever I run into friends at the grocery store with all their little ones I always tell them how lucky they are to have helpers. I mean it and I don't. It's frustrating doing errands with little ones, but it can be fun too to always have your busy buddy.
Julia Hunter says
Honestly Jack has always been great at the grocery store but I'm a much quicker shopper on my own.