I’m making muffins in the kitchen. The dishwasher hums along and General Hospital plays in the background. Jackson is sleeping upstairs and this is my time.
Time for cooking or cleaning or blogging or doing a general amount of nothing. It’s my time in the middle of the afternoon when the rest of the world is tapping away on computers and wearing business casual clothes and I’m standing in my kitchen in an old T-shirt and jeans watching soaps and baking. I love this time.
But it may be up sooner than I thought.
The other day I was offered a full time job with my old company. The moment it was offered I wish I could have taken the words back. I wish I could rewind time and unhear it because if there was no offer, there would be no job, and no decision to be made.
I never imagined myself as a SAHM. The plan was always that I would work. I never really wanted to be a SAHM. It came more out of necessity than anything else.
And for the longest time I wasn’t sure if being at home was right for me. Some days I’m still not sure. Some days I question if Jack would be better in school full time. Some days I sit in my kitchen and imagine going of to work in dress clothes and heels.
But lately I’ve started to find a groove. We have a good line up of activities and Jackson is so much more involved in the things we do. He sings along in music class, he helps me make cookies, and we have conversations that aren’t as one sided as they used to be.
And while these toddler days are trying, I’m not sure I’m ready to surrender my hugs and kisses and hot dog dances to someone else. I’m not sure I want to trade my afternoons for copiers and faxes and telephones.
I’m not sure, I’m ready to part with my time. As much as I always thought I would be. As much as a part of me jumps to go back to work.
Another part is happy to have side stepped the rat race. To not have to worry about the next career move. To have this time to focus on me as a mom and my son as a two year old seems really important right now.
Yet there is money to think of and what a second income would do for my family. We have security but it would provide so many more niceties. Things that we would have to save and save for we could do sooner. It could be a game changer.
But I like to think it isn’t all about money. Money can’t buy happiness or time or years of your life back. It can’t buy two year old hugs and mornings singing silly songs and it can’t buy an afternoon making muffins.
marie says
Yes this is a hard one for sure. I tend to be pretty decisive, but when I am struggling I pray about it. Good luck weighing the pros & cons of such an important decision.
Julia Hunter says
Thank you Marie. I did pray about it and it really helped.
W says
Its such a big decision…Re read what you wrote as I think you know what you want. At least I think i could hear it. I agree with marie also, pray about it. Keep us posted! -Wendy
Julia Hunter says
It's funny after I wrote this I knew I had my answer.
Adrienne says
I am terrible about decisions. For me, I hope I never have to go back to the working world. Well, the working world outside of the home anyway. I don't miss it, and you're right. Money can't buy time. Praying for peace over whatever decision is best for you and your family.
Julia Hunter says
I'm a terrible decision maker but with this I finally came to the right one (to continue to stay at home) and I'm happy about it.
Caitlin MidAtlantic says
A big decision, for sure. But being back at work isn't all bad! I have a hard time imagining what it would be like staying home…
Julia Hunter says
No working isn't bad at all!
Shell says
What a hard decision to have to make! Good luck! xo
Julia Hunter says
Thank's Shell!
Kimberly says
Definitely a tough decision, for sure. There are days that I do miss getting dressed and going out into the working world.
Julia Hunter says
I still miss those days and I know I will continue to miss them but that it's ok.
anothercleanslate says
Here from SITS Sharefest. I can't imagine this decision. It is something a lot of my friends struggled to make. However, you'll do what is right for you and your family. And you can always change your mind!
Julia Hunter says
You know I always have to remind myself that i'm allowed to change my mind. Thanks for the reminder.
Elaine Alguire says
It kind of sounds like you've already made it… or have you? Good luck either way, my friend!
Julia Hunter says
lol, writing this made the decision a whole lot easier. When I reread it the answer was there.