Good Decisions

I’ve never been the most confident parent, or person for that matter. I tend to second guess myself, to dwell on whether I’ve made the right or wrong decision. I tend to turn things over and over and over again in my head until I make a decision. And even then I’m unsure if it was the right one.

This was especially true when we started Jack in preschool in January. I had hit a personal low and was really questioning how good I was at this parenting job.

Jack starting school two mornings a week made a huge difference, I had some time for myself and he had some time to learn and grow and play with kids. I wasn’t frustrated and constantly searching for ways to fill the day. I was able to be the mom I wanted to be.

It was the best thing for both of us.

Jack started school a month after Newtown and I was a bundle of nerves, most days, when I dropped him off. And there were tears but everyday I picked up a smiling little boy who hugged his teachers and ran to my arms.

He had art projects to show off and new songs to sing and teachers who adored him. I became more confident in my decision.

As the school year came to an end this week, his teachers told me that they wish they “had a class full of Jackson’s” and that “he couldn’t graduate to the next class, cause they wanted to keep him”. They told me how “smart” he is and what a “pleasure he was to have in class”.

And for the first time I felt like I was finally getting some parental feedback. Maybe I was doing this right, maybe I wasn’t screwing him up or making the wrong decisions. Maybe I had managed to pick the right battles and maybe holding my ground and being firm and not giving in to toddler demands was paying off.

Or maybe it’s just him.

Who knows, either way, it was a great school year and I can pat myself on the back for picking the right school for him and making the right decision for us.