Patient and Persistent

When I told my supervisor I was pregnant after congratulating me and being excited, she asked “would I be coming back” after my maternity leave. I remember saying, “yes” because at the time I couldn’t fathom another answer. All there was, was yes.

And then I had Jack and like the best laid plans, going back to work full time suddenly became a “no”. Between the cost of child care and relying on grandparents to help and John’s work schedule the answer was so clearly no. But part time work was always a solid yes.

When I left my job, I said I would stay on “per diem”. A health care term that means per day. While my supervisor was open to the idea and told me, “I’m not letting you leave”. Her boss, my manager, just looked at me blankly and he wished me well, part time was not an option the company wanted to entertain.

So I left and within 2 weeks I was back filling in for when my co-workers where on vacation, helping to train new employees and filling in during a maternity leave. I was offered two full time positions that I turned down.

 My co-worker came back from maternity leave and we successfully job shared for 9 months. Then she decided she needed full time work and I was told I was out. That maybe I could come in one day a week. My manager said he did everything he could to keep me but, one day was all he could get me. And while I had only been working two days, the loss of the day and the steadiness of my job threw me for a loop. I remember calling my husband crying from a Dunkin Donuts parking lot. It wasn’t just the money it was the sense of income and purpose that my job brought me.

A few months later there was a change in management and I hoped that meant good things for me. Maybe I would get my part time position. But nothing changed. My new manager was someone
I was friends with and over the course of the next year she offered me at least 6 full time jobs and each time I asked, “is part time an option”. And each time I was told, “no.”

“Julia”, she said to me, “they are only going to offer you so many positions, they are only going to hear no so many times before they stop asking”. And I knew she was right but they kept asking and I kept answering, “no full time just didn’t work for my family”.

It took me a long time to accept that full time didn’t work for us. That a 5 day a week job for me currently does not have a place in my family. And each time they offered me a full time job rather than being excited I would become stressed and aggravated. I wanted them to just stop asking. I hated turning opportunities down but no matter how many times I spun it around in my head I knew full time was not for me.

And I watched others take the jobs I was offered. I watched friends get promoted and move on to better positions. I watched opportunities go by. But I stuck with my answer.

My original supervisor who had told me, “I’m not letting you leave” had been promoted and would occasionally bring me into work on special projects. There really wasn’t anything “special” about them mostly they were tasks that she or the people in her department were to busy to do. But I never minded. I said yes to them. I worked when I could. I did my best.

Last fall there was another management change and the company got a new CEO. I had thought this might finally bring “part time” or “work from home” into the conversation. Instead I was told my days were numbered, I would be done before Christmas. Then I was told I would be done by the end of January. Then I was told they would call me if they needed me. I planned for a life without this job. I accepted that I was no longer a part of that work family. I stopped signing birthday cards for new employees that I barely knew. I stopped counting on the time out of the house and stopped thinking about work appropriate clothes. I wrote off the idea of ever getting part time.

And as always I was called and asked to fill in one day a week when one of my co-workers got promoted. Then I was offered that job full time and John said did you ask them about part time and I rolled my eyes and sighed. Why bother?

But I asked and was told, “thanks but no thanks”.

I started to put it behind me and look at other income options and experiences that I wanted to have. I don’t love working in health care but I loved my co-workers, I loved the family work environment that this company had come to represent to me.

Then last week my original supervisor called, and I sighed knowing what was coming. Being asked to come in and do some job no one wanted to do. But instead she said, “Jul, I’m not going to ask you to come in and do some crazy task but I wanted to know if you would work per diem two days a week in  our branch”.

I couldn’t believe it. For 3 years I had waited to be offered such a thing. A per diem job. One that wouldn’t have the strings attached like, “only till we fill it with a full time person” or “only when we need you”.

And I’m not sure what changed. But I like to think that being persistent pays off, that sticking with what you know is right for your family is what’s important. I like to think that maybe they’ve learned that having someone who knows the job and does it well but is only available 2 days a week is better than someone who is available 5 days a week but doesn’t know the job or the company. Maybe they’ve learned that “part time” can be an asset. I like to think that three years of sticking to my guns but still working when I was needed has shown that I’m an asset.

Woman have been told to lean in, to ask for what we want, to be part of the conversation. And that’s all well and fine if you can but if you can’t, if being part of the full time work force isn’t an option. Stand by your decisions, hold to what works for you, be patient and persistent. Believe in your choices, do what’s best for your family. Do what is best for you.