My son is shy. New situations take a lot of warming up for him and he has trouble with crowds and new faces. He has been this way since he was a baby and yet, sometimes I still find myself taken aback when we walk into the house of friends or family and he immediately buries his face in my coat or hides behind my legs.
And when this happens I usually just let him be or walk him into the other room and let him get comfortable playing with a toy. I try not to make a big fuss about it, not to him, not to the other people in the room. Because the more I make of it the shyer he gets.
I know this but, other people don’t. They don’t always get that he’s shy or that new situations cause him anxiety. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to explain to friends and family that it’s just a part of who he is. And I wish they knew these things, and since I can’t seem to bring myself to tell them or send out fliers in advance of our visit here are a few things I wish they knew.
9 Things I Wish People Knew About My Shy Kid
1. Just because he’s met you before doesn’t mean that he’s totally comfortable with you. Sure you may have been best buds the last time he saw you but he’s 3 and doesn’t always make the connection that he’s done this before and even if he does it still doesn’t mean he’s going to be comfortable right away.
2. It’s going to take them a long time to warm up. Usually it takes him about 15 minutes to a half an hour to warm up to a new place but it might take longer and if he really feels uncomfortable or is in a bad mood, well he might never warm up and we might be leaving early. Sorry.
If you just let him be and get used to the situation I guarantee that he will come around and be happy and excited to see you. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute and think about what it must be like to be a shy little kid in a big world.
Are your kids shy or anxious? I would love to hear how you handle it.
I think all kids are fantastic. Outgoing ones AND shy ones. : )
Great post. I think you handle this perfectly. He is as sweet as can be.
None of mine are really shy, but I do have one who's quite introverted. People don't understand why he doesn't want to always be a part of the group and they try to force him. It doesn't turn out well. Another of mine can get anxious about new situations and I wish people would understand that trying to make him by tugging on him isn't going to help(WHY do they think that's okay?)
Great post! It always got under my skin when people would try to "save the day"… like they just KNOW how to handle your kid. I felt like I was always boxing people out when we walked into a room! haha! My kids are older now, so they do their own boxing out. haha!
I have one outgoing child and one that can take longer to warm up. Different personalities for sure!
I have a super extrovert and a super introvert. The latter – Zoe -fits most of these descriptives BUT every now and then she will just cozy up to someone from the MINUTE they walk in the door. I find that kids have an inner radar for good – and bad – people. Anyway, as an ex-shy person, this is a wonderful post, thank you!!
Great post Julia! I also did a research on shy kids a few weeks back and I can say that 15-20% of babies are inborn shy and 75% remain shy as they grow old. Good part is, we can always help them to overcome the shyness. I have a niece who we also labeled as "shy". Sometimes, we'd like to think it's because initially boys are just more playful than girls. But then again, regardless of gender, kids tend to take time in recognizing and being comfortable with some people, especially new faces. So it is only right to be patient and let them be. Thanks again for your post!