I say no, a lot. Sometimes I feel like it’s the only word I say.
“No you can’t get a toy at Shop Rite”. “No we are not buying a candy bar”. “No you can’t stay up extra late”. “No you can’t have mac and cheese for dinner again”. “No, no, no, no” until I’m tired of hearing myself say it. Until I’m sick of my own voice and sick of the word.
But I feel as if it’s my job to say it. That I’ve been sacked with the role of being the one who says “no” to him because no one else says it. Not my husband, not my his grand parents. No one else says no. No one else lays down the rules. And while my husband makes a good effort (hi, honey I love you) he works a lot and doesn’t want to spend his time at home being the bad guy.
So I am the one who says “no”, who makes the rules, who draws the lines. The other day my son told my MIL that, he wants a house of his own because “him and Daddy make good rules but Mommy makes bad rules”. And my husband responded, “that’s because Mommy is the only one who makes rules”.
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| Yes that’s a cookie for breakfast |
And I felt a bit bad, like I had been cast in the role of the mean parent. The bad cop to my husbands good cop. But someone has to be in charge. Someone has to set boundaries. Someone has to say no.
Because the world isn’t going to say yes to him all the time. The real world has rules and boundaries. In the real world you don’t always get your way. People don’t cater to you. The real world is filled with no.
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| How can I say “No” to that face right? |
And I think it’s my job as a parent to prepare him for that. To get him used to the idea that things won’t always go his way. That you can’t have everything you want. As a parent I would be doing him a disservice if I said yes all the time. If I caved to everything he wants. If I let him run the show.
And while I say, yes, when I can. I’m OK with my role of as the Queen of No. Even if it means I’m making the rules, drawing the lines and saying no. Because someone has to do it and apparently that someone is me.
We've all seen the effect of parents refusing to say no to their kids when necessary. You keep doing what you are doing knowing it comes from a place of love.
YES! I know this!!!
For the longest time that was me. I was Queen right there with you.
I'm not sure how old your son is but it changed for us over time. Now we say our no-s together, and we each have our own. It's interesting how it evolves, but I think you're totally doing right.
Even though THAT FACE is so cute. 😀
I feel the same way sometimes. It's so hard, especially when you have to keep repeating like when they ask the same question over and over.
I'm the Queen of No, too. My husband has learned that he needs to join me in this, so it's not just me! Our kids need boundaries.
I remember reading a positive parenting book and it advised people to never say "no" to their kids. (eyeroll) Of course, this was partly a gimmick, they meant you should find another way to say it. But that's kind of ridiculous. I've met people who've never been told "no", they have serious challenges in navigating life. So good for you. And me? No is my middle name.