8 Ways Hangovers are different in your 30's

When I was in my early 20’s I had a high tolerance for alcohol. Shots of Jagermeister, sure! Followed by another Miller Lite, Hell Yeah! Let’s go out for Martini’s, yes please. Sure, bartender we want another tray of dollar beers. And the next morning I would pound some water, maybe pop an Ibuprofen and go about my day. Hangovers, those were for amateurs.

Enter my 30’s and somewhere along the line that tolerance vanished. Maybe it never returned after the 9 months of sobriety also known as pregnancy, maybe it flew away after my 30th birthday celebrations, maybe my tolerance is lying on the beach in Key West waiting for some young 20 something to come along. Wherever it went, it’s gone and hangovers in my 30’s are, oh, so different from the glory days of my 20’s.

They happen more easily. Like, it’s Saturday night and you are having dinner with friends and that second glass of wine was just so good that you pour a third. Sunday morning you wake up nauseated with a pounding headache. Since when do three glasses of wine phase you, since you turned 30, that’s when.

You are awoken from you wine induced slumber to the sounds of your child yelling “Mommy! Mommy! I pooped, can you wipe my butt”. So while you are begging the world to stop spinning, you now also have to deal with someone elses shit.

You’re up before your favorite greasy spoon place has opened. In my 20’s I would roll out of bed around 11 and order chicken wings, mozzarella sticks, french fries and a cheese steak, cause nothing cures a hangover like covering it in grease. Now I’m up at 7, watching Disney Jr and wondering why no one delivers chicken wings before noon.

The people stumbling around your house aren’t fellow late night warriors but tiny dictators who need to be attended too. In my 20’s it wasn’t abnormal to stumble out of my bedroom nod to someone on my couch and then crawl back into bed. Now the only person lounging on my couch is the 4 year old begging to watch another damn episode of Rescue Bots.

That headache that is throbbing behind your eyes will only be made worse by your child’s insistence on watching Paw Patrol at full volume. Full-fucking volume while he screams the lyrics over and over again, though he doesn’t know all the words so he’s just shouting, “Paw Patrol, Paw Patrol” as loud as humanly possible. What was once a time of understood silence in the house is now a time for a full on preschool rager.

Instead of improving, your hangover gets worse as the day goes on, because instead of waking up at the peak of your hangover you’ve woken up before you were completely hungover. So when you stumbled out of bed with the room still spinning you were still drunk. You hadn’t even reached hungover yet. As the day goes on you will go through the phases of the hangover that you normally sleep through. Your hangover will peak somewhere around mid-day at which point you will regret the baked potato you ate at 9:30 am and the cup of coffee you drank at 10 am.

While you used to spend the day nursing your hangover, you instead attempt to nap on the couch while your children climb all over you. Long gone are the days when you could lounge on the couch, watch crap TV and eat junk food. Now as you try to close your eyes for a moment, your kids are climbing on you and demanding another snack. They want to know why Mommy is sick, they want to know when you will get up to play, they want to know if you will make them eggs. No, No, No, you think while silently screaming, “Mommy can’t hold her liquor anymore”.

24 hours later you’re still feeling the effects. It’s been 24 hours or more since that last sip of wine but you still don’t feel right. Your stomach still grimaces every time you go to eat something and when you woke up this morning that pounding headache is back. You have drank more water than you did in all of your 20’s and yet you still are thirsty.

Hangovers in your 30’s are no joke and once you have kids, you truly pay for your night of drinking. Nothing I learned about drinking in my 20’s would have ever prepared me for being hungover in my 30’s. 30 year old hangovers are not for the weak and are so memorable that you will vow not to let it happen again, and unlike in your 20’s you actually mean it when you say, “I won’t be drinking that much again”. Until of course the next time that extra glass of wine sneaks up on you.

Comments

Janine Huldie says

April 20, 2015 at 11:41 am

At almost 38 here, yes sadly hangovers have become harder and harder for me, especially since I am not a huge drinker to be quite honest, but still even after one or two drinks, I am feeling it much more than I did even a few short years ago here.

Kristen Hewitt says

April 20, 2015 at 12:45 pm

yes and their little voices make the headache (and you) scream. I feel you! Love this!

Sarah Honey says

April 20, 2015 at 2:15 pm

Oh yes! And they are always so needed when you have a hangover!

Sharon Greenthal says

April 20, 2015 at 3:04 pm

When I was 48 I gave up drinking 95% – only the rare glass of champagne or wine every so often. I don't miss it at all, except when people give me a weird look when I say "no thank you."

One Unified says

April 20, 2015 at 4:18 pm

I can relate! A 3 day recovery period for a night out with the girls is proof!

Jack Steiner says

April 21, 2015 at 1:02 am

At 45 I can't drink like I used to, but the hangovers are tolerable…mostly. It is the mystery aches and pains that I can't figure out that bother me.

Reesa Lewandowski says

April 21, 2015 at 12:29 pm

I learned the hangovers SUCK getting older the first time I drank as a mom. Oy!

John says

April 21, 2015 at 5:24 pm

Scrubs explained it best: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3KSQImOuOo

The other night, I had half a bottle of wine . . . and I felt it. I swear, it was just a few years ago that I could drink a magnum and still be *mostly ok* (not to drive, but, you know, not falling over, either). Now, half a bottle and I'm thinking "whoah."

And yeah, hangovers . . . well, they've always been brutal for me, but I can't say that they're worse now — just different. I don't know if I've developed better coping mechanisms and, therefore, just deal with them better, or what, but they don't debilitate me as much as others. Or maybe I'm just a more-experienced drinker than my friends.