Keep It Real

A friend posted on Facebook that she was taking her infant daughter to a Music Together class and that she was hopeful to make new friends. I was excited the moment I saw that status, because I had a great experience with Music Together but also because I remembered what those early months of motherhood were like.

They were long and exhausting and isolating. A screaming baby isn’t the best constant companion. And in those early months you are their constant, the one person they can count on, the one person who they want for everything. Which was why I was so glad that my friend was getting out, and making friends and having a great experience with her daughter. I wish I had done more of that in those early days.

But at the time it all seemed so overwhelming. Like any activity, even a trip the grocery store, was a daunting task. So I messaged my friend to say as much. And her response was not one that surprised me but, maybe it was a surprise to her. She mentioned how isolating being a new mom can be, she mentioned that it’s lonely being home all day. She mentioned a husband that works long hours and the lack of friends and the ways in which motherhood sometimes erodes the friendships you had before it.

And I sat there staring at my phone and nodding. Four years ago, I could have said those same words. Four years ago, I felt those same feelings.

New motherhood can be a lonely road especially when you feel like you are going it alone. It’s not easy to admit the loneliness but, it is necessary.

So I told her about my loneliness. About the early days of motherhood when I could barely keep my head above water. I told her about the colic and screaming baby and the days and nights that seemed to drag on. I told her about how sometimes I was just sad, that my idea of what new motherhood was going to be like, were nothing like I expected. And I told her that we need to be honest about these things, that we need to keep it real.

And she admitted to never knowing any of this. To not seeing me much that first year. And that’s the thing, no one knew what it was like for me because it was so hard to admit that life was anything but perfect. That life with a newborn was anything but wonderful, anything but the images that we are spoon fed on TV.

So I said these things. And I thought to myself what would motherhood be like if we just kept it real. If we stopped keeping up appearances. If we stopped smiling when we were struggling. If we raised kids with a village mentality rather than fighting the good fight day in and day out, alone.

I started this blog, so that I could say these things and I’m going to keep saying them, because sometimes someone needs to hear them. So even though it’s fun to write the humorous, light-hearted moments, it’s important to share the hard too.