I am…

I am 33 years old. 
I wonder if it shows. 
I hear the sound of country music and a 4 year-old playing. 
I see the sun shining on fresh cut lawns and a blinking cursor. 
I want  to close this computer and go out in the sun. 

I am ready for summertime.
I pretend to be working but I’m just passing time on the internet.
I feel guilty: for working, for not being outside, for not being better or best.
I touch these keys. 
I worry about summer vacation and finding balance.
I cry easily but less than I used too. 

I am putting off work. 
I understand that I waste too much time. 
I say I will do better, but…
I dream about writing novels, quitting the day job and moving to Key West.
I try to stay motivated.
I hope everything
I am content and restless all in the same breath.