What Having an Only Child Feels Like
It’s wanting to have every experience not just for them but for you, because you are only doing this once.
It’s feeling guilty for not giving them a sibling, regardless of the circumstances around that decision.
It’s constantly fielding the “are you having any more” question. And not knowing how to answer because some days you aren’t totally sure that you are done.
It’s feeling the need to make excuses for only having one, as if there is something wrong with it, even though there isn’t.
It’s the eye roll I give, every time I comment on how fast this parenting thing is going and people reply it’s time for another.
It’s wondering if people think I’m selfish or don’t like kids.
It’s knowing that there will be no second time around, no other opportunity to savor that newborn smell or rock a baby to sleep.
It’s the way the air gets sucked out of my lungs when my child says he wants a sister or asks “Mommy when will you have another baby”.
It’s knowing that you only had one baby and that he really isn’t a baby anymore.
It’s giving extra kisses and hugs and holding his hand just a bit longer.
It’s not pushing away the things that keep him little. Helping him with his clothes or letting him take baths instead of showers.
It’s feeling a bit heart broken some days because it’s all going so fast.
It’s those baby years being a blurry memory that you hope you preserved somewhere in the reaches of your mind.
It’s a constant questioning of should we have tried for another sooner or should we again. It’s questioning choices and fate and things that you really had no control over.
It’s an empty fourth bedroom.
It’s always asking friends when their kids started doing something or stopped doing something because I haven’t done it before and won’t be doing it again.
It strangers in the super market asking if he’s my only. And the face they make when I say, “yes”.
It’s when parents of more than one child tell you how much harder it is with two and you can’t help but think my hard is hard too.
It’s this wonderful feeling that you will never be as close to anyone as you are to your child, that you’ve never known someone so well and watch them grow so much.
It’s a feeling that this is your only chance, that you can’t screw it up. Even though you know that’s silly to think.
It’s someone saying, “you can’t be a mom blogger” because you only have one.
It’s making friends into family, so much that your son tells a store clerk that his neighbors are his siblings.
It’s the memories I have with my brother; the birthday parties and Christmas mornings and the shared memories that I know my son will never have.
It’s being the best person in the world to one person.
It’s the joy in his eyes when he sees you.
It’s a small family of three that is perfect.
It’s the way he’s completed our family even if others think there should be more.
It’s this incredible bond that comes from having only had him. That he is the only one I’ve ever been pregnant with, the only one who’s diapers I’ve changed and who has fallen asleep in my arms.
It’s love. And probably so much like having more than one child than most people will know.
People make the craziest comments!!! I still get people asking me if I'm going to "try for your girl" as if my family can't possibly be complete without one of each. Trust me, it's complete!
My mom told me last week "You need to have a baby girl because J is so good with his baby girl cousin, he needs a sister." No, he doesn't. She's a novelty as a cousin. As an actual sister he'd have to deal with on a daily basis, he'd be annoyed. 😉
So while I can't relate to everything on your list, I do know that everyone has to make the decision for themselves as to what their families look like and that people will always comment on that, but have to try to ignore their insensitivity. <3
I'm with Shell on this. I'm a mom of 3 girls and people always ask if we're gonna try again. WHY?! But yeah, I feel like parents get comments from both ends of the spectrum, whether you have one or five kids. We had just one kids for seven years so I remember the feeling. As long you feel your family is complete, that's all that matters.
I have three kids but I still relate to so much on your list. And yes, people totally suck with their comments. I hate the "you know what causes that right?" For me the baby years were such a blur, I don't remember them very well. I wish I had taken the time to enjoy them more.
I love this! I am expecting my fifth and I get so many comments from the other perspective. It's interesting how your family is never quite right to the world but oh so perfect for you. Great post and go you!
This is such an honest and great post. I don't know why people feel the need to comment on other people's family deacons. You have such a special and perfect family.
I've been at both ends – our oldest was an only for 7 years, and now he's the oldest of 5. My kids know we had a miscarriage before #2 came along, and they'll mention it if someone asks about the age difference. It is what it is.
My kids are 18 months apart, and I get so many comments about it, so it seems that one really can't win!