When I had my son I remember feeling overwhelmed and well-meaning friends and family would say, “you know it takes a village “.
But I didn’t know what they meant and I couldn’t find that elusive village. My parents were retired and out of the country for 2 months, my mil worked full-time, most of my friends with kids worked or had spouses who were around often, rather than the 6 day work week that my husband had. There was no village. There was me alone with a colicky infant day-in, day-out. And I would day-dream of a time when parents walked out the door and instantly had a village of friends and family right at their door step. I lamented my sadness and loneliness. I started this blog because there had to be someone, somewhere like me. There had to be a village, even if it wasn’t in my own back yard.
Some of the wonderful moms in my village.
Last week a friend texted me asking if I could watch her kids for a few hours. At the same time I was on Facebook planning events for my MOMS club and texting another Mom about a play date. Something about that text, knowing that it wasn’t the first of its kind, knowing that she had done the same for me and knowing that a few years ago I never imagined the village of Moms that I would have in my life.
But I didn’t just stumble upon this village. It didn’t find me. I didn’t wake up one morning to a large group of wonderful supportive mothers, ready to help. No, I built my village mom-by- mom. From the first Mom friend I met at a play group to a Mom of twins from Jack’s Music Together class to Moms who I knew on Facebook that became an incredible resource to me, to the Moms who read my blog and commented, “I’ve been there too”.
And now my village is full. And much like Taylor Swift’s squad it has a wonderful cast of characters that come from different background and places. Moms who have experiences that are similar to my own and those whose situations couldn’t be more different. I’m grateful for them all.
That’s the thing about a village, we all need one, whether it’s one that is there from the start or one we build from the ground up. We need these moms to lean on when times are tough. We need them to swap childcare with and to text when life just isn’t going right. We need them even if we only see them in the flash of a Facebook message.
Having a village changed everything for me. It made motherhood into the place I had always hoped it would be: a place filled with friends for Jackson and I, a place where we belonged, and the feeling that I’m not alone on this journey.
It really does take a village. I was much better at building one when my kids were little- there’s more moms’ groups and playgroups and all that. When we moved when the boys were out of those stages, it was harder to build, though I still have some great friends and we help each other out. Glad you have that!
I think it’s so much easier to find people when your kids are young as long as you know where to look. There aren’t a ton of resources for Moms in my area, it involved a lot of me stepping outside of my comfort zone. And I’m glad I have you as part of my village.
I love this! It’s so true that it takes a village. I’m so glad you created your village. That seems like such a hard thing to do. I’m not very good at making friends. My husband and I have lived where we are now for over 3 years and I have a “squad” but I still don’t feel super close to any of them. And by the time we start to have kids, we will probably be moving again. I’m just going to have to make it a priority.
I never think I’m good at making friend either. I think it gets easier to make friends when you have kids. I always felt like my son was my wingman helping to break the ice with other moms for me.
Great post as always! When my oldest was born, I had some help from my mil. It was tough, but I had to look outside my own family for help and support since my mom and my sister were not interested. It does take time, and it is so worth it.
Thank you Barb! It’s so hard to find a village when you have to look beyond family. And you are right it does take time but is really worth it.
I had a village before I moved to NC and I don’t know what I would have done without them. They were the ones who arranged childcare for our oldest and meals while our twins were in the NICU for two months. I’ve found a few people to be in my village in our new town but it’s not complete. It’s so much harder once your kids are school aged to meet moms. They already have their village.
I don’t know what I would do without mine too. I hope you find another one.