1/28/10 – 9 weeks and some odd days. Cont…
Had to put away most of Jackson’s 0-3 clothes this week. He was busting out of them as he is now 12 pounds. He’s my little chunky monkey. It is sad everytime I have to pack away a size. My friend calls it her “tub of sadness” and it’s true there is something about putting the clothes away that makes me realize how fast my little guy is growing up. Unlike when I change my clothes out seasonally knowing in the fall that my tank tops will come back these little clothes may never see the light of day again. Jackson will never wear the cute newborn onsies or the mommy’s little heartbreaker pjs again. The only way they will get some use will be if we have another boy, or as donations. With each item I put away I pack away a little piece of Jack’s babyhood. That time is gone and I won’t be getting it back. Everyone says enjoy it he will only be little once, he is getting bigger and the clothes are the proof.
Speaking of enjoying it, I took the 12 weeks of family leave and it ends in a little over 2 weeks. It does not feel like enough time. I’m told it will never feel like enough time and that I should enjoy it. When I think of it coming to an end I can’t help but panic. What if he does something for the first time and I miss it. Everyday he notices more things, plays with more and interacts with me more. He smiles at me and turns to my voice. Today he cried in the car and only stopped when he saw me. Yes me. I’m the most important person in his world and now I’m going to be gone 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Who will replace me? I don’t want to be replaced. If I could go to a part time job I would because I do see some benefit to going to work. Obviously the money but also the social interaction, the act of getting up everyday, getting dressed and socializing with adults. These things are important as is having a purpose outside of the home. To have a day that does not revolve around feedings, tummy time, diaper changes and nap schedules. It will be nice to get out but, I have a feeling that from here on out there will be a part of me that will always want to be home.
Right now I enjoy hanging out with other moms. They are full of advice all of it helpful not judging. They all sympathize because they have been there. I find moms that have had babies in the past decade to be the most compassionate and helpful. Older moms (like your mother in law) are judgemental and think they are the authority on everything. Yet so much has changed since they have had their kids that the advice should be taken with a grain of salt. These moms will tell you that the baby should sleep on the belly because that is how their kids slept and they were fine. They will tell you you don’t need a bouncy seat or bottle warmers or activity centers because they got by fine without them. But these things are available and if they are a help use them, that’s what they are there for.
[…] missed Aruba, survived colic, started a blog, had drinks at Lucky Bones, snuggled with Jack, went back to work, missed Jack, cried a little, watched Jack roll over, walked the bike path, missed out on Bag Day, […]