We were invited to an event via text message. It wasn’t a fancy event. Not dinner at a nice restaurant or drinks at a bar. Nor was it a birthday celebration or a cocktail party. It was dinner at a friends house and the text invite ended like this, “Please No Kids Sorry”.
My first thought was insult, not because my kid is not welcome, but because I’m not the type who brings my kid out at night. Jack goes to bed anywhere between 6 and 7, so unfortunately if plans are going to run later than that we either get a sitter or stay home. I realize my commitment to Jack’s bedtime limits my nights out but I’m OK with it. We do best with people coming over our house.
So when you text me that my kid can’t come my first response is to say, “I wouldn’t bring my kid”.
But the more I thought about it, the more the four thoughtless words got under my skin.
Sure I understand that the sender of the text message desire to have a night as adults. I also desire to have nights like that. I wish to revert to days when I could drop by for drinks without a child and a schedule, but alas those days are gone forever, I have let them go.
Even now that I have a kid there are times I would love to have people over and say, “please no kids”, because my son is in bed and it would be nice to have an evening with just adults. But I know that adding, “please no kids” means that my friends with kids likely won’t be able to come. Personally I would rather have their company with kids, than no company at all.
I also desire to have “girls nights”, but I don’t send messages that say “no husbands please”. If I was single and sent such a message I’m sure the married folk would get mad.
To me a text of this nature is rude, because it’s geared only to a select few. I know who you mean when you say no kids please. You mean me.
Funny thing is that the same people who tack this sort of disclaimer on to an invite are the same people who want to be invited to “mommy” events. Easter Egg hunts, trips to Storybook Land, and play dates. And I always say yes. Even if I just want a day with my mom friends I include my non-mom friends because I don’t leave people out based on whether or not they have procreated.
Sure I could get a sitter but sitters don’t fall out of the sky like Mary Poppins. Getting a sitter is a whole lot harder than it sounds. There is limited family to ask and limited funds to be had.
So I’m sorry but I won’t be coming to dinner.How do you handle invites that don’t include your children? Am I right to be insulted or am I getting all worked up over nothing?
As a non-mom, I still know how you're feeling, Jul…My cousin was a "no kids please" kind of girl until she had a son and now realizes how it feels to either be excluded or have your son excluded just because. I personally love having kids around! Jack's always welcome here with you! 🙂 (And thanks for thinking of us non-moms! on your kiddie dates!)
Thanks Melissa, I love that you always welcome the kiddies. It's hard for those of us with kids to get out, especially if we can't bring the kids with us.
You're not off base at all. A more appropriate way to word such a thing would be "lots of breakables, kids need to bring their own entertainment" or something like that. Something to say "hey, I want to see you, and I want your kids too, BUT I'm living in this single-person apartment and I can't get all the junk up above kid level". It gives you the option, as a parent, to say, "OK, I'm out this time, I don't fell comfortable with my toddler in the furniture and can't get a sitter". "No kids please" doesn't give you much choice in the matter.
And you're smart to stick to that sleep schedule. It's going to save your LIFE in a very short time. Our kids, if not put to bed on time, are hellions. BUT, because they are so programmed (their choice, by the way – they have always been cravers of routine), they have been known to fall asleep at bedtime on social outings.
You are right, so much of what made me angry was the wording. Thank you for your comment it made me feel much better.
My son craves the routine too.
My son is Jack, too and he was on that bedtime schedule as well. I've been a little more lenient with my daughter because we eat later as a family now.
My feelings on this changed once I had children, and I live in a neighborhood where the kids are older like high school, or people don't have children, and one of my neighbors invited me to a Mardi Gras party that began at 8 pm via e-mail, and I got another e-mail a minute later that said…"Oops adults only. I forgot to tell you that." At first, I was insulted because I would not take my kids under the age of 6 to a Mardi Gras party that began at 8 pm, but then I just got over it because I have taken my kids to a cocktail "outdoor" party that began at 5 pm next door. The couple didn't mind, but in that case…we probably wouldn't have gone because we're not friends enough with them for me to hire a sitter. That is only reserved for good friends, and most of the time, we go out and it's not at anyone's house.
Thanks for stopping by. I agree I reserve sitters to go out not to go to someone's house.