Two weeks ago, Jack had a runny nose and a slight fever. But otherwise he seemed fine. My gut reaction was that he had a cold and that it would pass.
I was talking to my MIL and said, “I don’t think I’m going to take him to the doctor, he seems fine and I don’t want him to catch anything worse while there” and she agreed with me.
The next day (Saturday) he was a bit run down but the fever was gone, it was just a cold.
On Sunday he seemed a lot better with the exception of a runny nose. I was doing the saline spray and the aspirator and the cool mist humidifier. Everything I could to help him.
My MIL stayed with Jack on Sunday so the hubs and I could go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D and get some dinner. When we got home my MIL said, “he coughed once it sounded like croup and he tugged his ear once he could have an ear infection and the congestion could lead to a sinus infection”.
I agreed to call the doctor in the morning but when I looked at Jack and played with Jack he seemed fine just a little sniffy.
But all that night I felt horrible. What if I had made the wrong decision? What if he had something serious? What if I had missed something?
Jack slept as usual and in the morning seemed even better. Still congested but better. I stuck with my gut and didn’t call the doctor.
Every time my in-laws called I said, “no he’s not coughing or pulling his ear, he’s a little congested but he’s sitting here happily playing”.
And after I said those words I silently prayed that it would hold true. That I was right. That it wouldn’t get worse and end up being croup or an ear infection. And it did, the cold passed. My gut was right.
Why a year into this mom gig am I still so insecure about making these decisions? Why can’t I just trust myself with out feeling guilty or like I’ve made a mistake?
I’ve never been very good at going with my gut, because I’m afraid my gut is wrong.
My gut tells me that I need more information than it can provide me. My gut tells me I could make mistakes. My gut tells me that raising Jack is uncharted territory, that no one before or after me will raise this little boy. My gut tells me to second guess and double check and dig deeper because I need to make the right decisions.
And every now and then my heart speaks up and tells me not to be so hard on myself. That some days just wanting to do my best is enough.
Do you trust your gut? Are you always second guessing yourself?