As a mom to a boy I realize that a day will come when he will find someone else, someone who he loves more than his mama. And for this person he will leave my home and choose to spend the rest of his life with them. I know that I will inevitably become a mother-in-law.
As a wife I know how hard it can be to be to deal with a mother-in-law.
So the other day after a nice long vent about my own mother-in-law, I decided that I needed to make a list of promises to my future daughter-in-law. In hopes that I don’t turn into the type of mother-in-law we all love to hate.
I promise…
to trust your parenting decisions. You are his mother and you know best. Even if I have to repeat that to myself every day.
to only offer advice when it is asked of me. Though I hope we can be friends and that you will ask for help when you need it.
to never refer to you as, “that girl”.
to call before coming to visit and to never drop by on a mid Sunday morning. I don’t need to know what you and my son are doing or why it took you 5 minutes to answer the door.
to form a relationship with you that is separate from my son. I want to get to know you and for you to know me. My son thinks you are special and I want to get to know you.
to adhere to whatever schedule or lack of schedule you set for your child. Again your his mother you know best.
to not judge if you choose to breast feed or bottle feed or use a pacifier or sleep train or co-sleep or whatever parenting theory you subscribe too.
not to feed your children junk food. Regardless of how you feel about it I will not sugar up your kid and then send him home to you. I know how totally uncool it is.
to offer to babysit and do so often.
when in your home I will pick up after myself and keep to any rules you have for your children.
to never speak ill of you to my son.
to love you like a daughter and treat you like a friend.
to let you know that I was once a new mom and I know how hard it is.
to share this space with you. So that even if i may utter the words, “it’s all worth it” you will know that I have been there before, I have struggled and I have found parenting to be the hardest job I’ve ever undertaken but the one I’ve loved most.
I’m sure once Jack is old enough to get married I will have to read these over and remind myself of them. But here’s hoping that my laying it out now and having this reminder to come back to I will be a better MIL.
What promises would you make to your future Daughter-in-Law?
That's a hard one. I have absolutely no relationship with my MIL, mostly because she is C.R.A.Z.Y. Certifiable. She didn't even speak to me on my wedding day or at all until I was pregnant with her first grandchild. I think I would promise not to be so sensitive and not to take things personal. I want my DIL to feel comfortable being herself and not feel like she has to walk on tip toes around me. If you ever need it I am very good for MIL venting!
Wow! What a list. I can see a lot of good promises here and I bet you will be a wonderful mother-in-law in the future. Your future daughter-in-law is very lucky having you as her MIL. 🙂 I know that it's difficult to deal with MILs especially those who really have the attitude. I can say that based on experience. Sheesh!
haha, I love this, I only hope to be this good of a MIL when I am one!
HAHAHA THIS IS AMAZING! MY MOTHER IN LAW SUCKS! <3 love this.
What?!? We can only give advice when asked for it? Yikes, I should start practicing now. My DIL better cook, if not Ethan is in for a rude awakening 🙂
I think your list is fantastic. I hope that I am following each promise on your list. My daughter-in-law is a cherished member of our family and I am so grateful to have her in my life. PS my son-in-law is also an awesome guy. I'm a very lucky gal.
From the sound of it your daughter-in-law is lucky to have you too.
I hope me and you can build a good relationship now and in the future. I jusr loved this post was written and I want it to be like this between me and Ana. I absolutely loved the talk we had the other day. Remember u and I love my son but in a different way….me as his mother and u as his future wife. He is the one that has brought us together so that I can have the daughter I never had. ♡
You know what's funny- I have thought of this often. I assume I'll have daughters in law (but who knows?) and based on the first few years with my own MIL, I too have quite the list in my head of the 'what not to dos'. I think the biggest one for me is to remember that he is no longer a baby or an infant. And when/if she is pregnant I won't keep referring to her significant other and compare CONSTANTLY to my own pregnancy or his babyhood. I mean, that was just really weird and uncomfortable. At one point my husband had a sit down with her while we were dating as I was very near just dropping him as she was way too much. Anyhow- I have the rep of being the b*tch in the family (shocking!) but that's ok with me. Everyone knows where I stand and things are cool now. I watched my sister get bullied and pressured into all kinds of things with her MIL and from the get-go I just said that is NOT going to happen. Hence, I won't be that MIL for her 🙂 At lest I hope so.
Wish God bless your daughter in law forever….
Love this! Can you be my mother-in-law please??? 😉 These are great and I hope to live up many of these when my boys go off into the world with their wives.
I think that's an awesome list! I hope you wrote it down on paper somewhere so you can share it with your son one of these days. What a sweet keepsake. Maybe even something you give him at his wedding.
This is beautiful! I especially love where you said, "to love you like a daughter and treat you like a friend. " As a mom of 2 sons, one of whom is married, I can definitely relate to this post. I haven't spoken to my MIL for 6 months and don't plan to any time soon.
I think the relationship with the MIL is one of the hardest. That's awesome that you have the foresight to think about these things. You will be a great MIL!