On Saturday I found myself standing in a hot, crowded gym filled with children while an amateur singer belted out a rendition of Let it Go that made my ears hurt. A man in front of me had attached a roll of toilet paper to a fan contraption and proceeded to launch pieces of two ply into the air. And I thought to myself, how did I get here?
As a mom I have wondered this a lot. I remember sitting in a delivery room holding a newborn and thinking, “how did I get here”. Last week as I dragged a screaming child out of Shop Rite and left a cart full of groceries behind, I found myself thinking it again. Motherhood is full of those moments.
But last Saturday as I stood in that gym, thinking ‘how did I get here”, I wasn’t thinking about what I was missing by being there, I was thinking about what I would have missed if I hadn’t been a mom. What I would have missed if life had brought me anywhere other than here.
Motherhood has brought me to some strange and wonderful place. It has brought me to an old friends home to sing “Happy Birthday” to a 3 year old. It has brought me to Disney World 4 times in 2 years. It has brought me to music class and singing The Hello Song.
It has taken me to Sesame Place and Wiggles concerts and to knowing every playground in town. It has brought me Christmas mornings filled with joy and new family traditions. It has made for early mornings and early nights and redefined late.
It has brought me back to writing on a regular basis. It has taken my writing to a public platform, that I never knew existed. It has taken me to Jersey Family Fun and through that new friendships and experiences.
Motherhood has forced me to step outside my comfort zone, to speak up, stand out and make noise. It has taken me to a moms group where I feel like I’ve found my people. It’s taken me to a neighborhood full of families and our best friends. It has taken me to walking with solo cup in hand to barbeque’s, birthday parties and to look at Christmas lights.
It has taken me back to old friendships that I may have lost along the way. It has taken me to new friends who I can’t imagine this journey without. It has brought me some of my greatest joys and some of my hardest days.
And it has brought me to a place where I couldn’t imagine not being a mom. Where I couldn’t imagine a life without all of these people, places and experiences. Where when I think what life would be like if I wasn’t a mom, I see a life that is so different than the one I live now. A life that seems a little empty.
Mostly motherhood has brought me this little boy and I take each step of this journey with his tiny hand wrapped around my finger and my heart.