No one will ask you to do anything if you are nursing the baby. Well except your other children, they will ask again and again but adults will respect what you are doing and leave you alone.
Breast milk stains regardless of what your mother may have said.
Breastfed babies still get gas, actually lots of it.
Breastfed baby poop has a unique smell, but yes, it does smell . There are no magical properties that make poop not smell.
I once said I wouldn’t breastfeed because I didn’t want to be a soda dispenser. John asked if I wanted to retract that statement but, I do feel like a soda dispenser.
It’s super convenient.
Except when it’s not.
And sometimes it’s lonely even though you aren’t alone . Especially when it’s 1:00 am and the whole world seems to be asleep (including your husband who is snoring next to you).
Your schedule revolves around it and there is no one to relieve you at night unless you spend your day pumping . Or if you supplement with formula, but watch who you say the f-word to because, hello judgement.
Though I’ve found that when I formula fed people judged and when I breastfed people judged. Judgement is the one constant in parenthood.
You will have a more intimate relationship with your pump than your spouse.
At first you will lock yourself in your room to pump but then you will say, “screw that” and pump in the living room while your son plays video games.
People you barely know will want to talk about your breasts. They will ask overly personal questions in crowded rooms. They will want to give you all kinds of unsolicited advice.
And expect you to breastfeed in public because we need to normalize it. Even though you prefer to do what is normal for you.
Though you have no problem doing it in front of close friends and family.
When you are home you might forget to put your boob away.
You will get hangry. When the baby is nursing and all you can think about is the breakfast you’re not eating and the fact that you won’t be getting a cheeseburger in the near future. And seriously wouldn’t a milkshake be nice.
You will have more cravings than you did when you were pregnant. Like why can’t someone just make salted caramel cookies appear at your door, don’t they know you need them NOW.
You will be thirsty. Like you’ve drunk 3 bottles of wine with your best friend and are, now severely dehydrated. Except all you’ve drunk is water, lots and lots of water and you’re still thirsty.
It will open you up to a whole new world of shopping from breast pumps to nursing bras to breast pads.
You will wake up soaked in your own milk when the baby sleeps through a feeding. And even the best breast pads can’t prevent it.
And when you google “how to stop leaking breasts” you will only find posts telling you how wonderful your milk production is and a tip about “laughing off the leaking”.
Cluster-feeding sucks. There is nothing like a screaming, pointy nailed infant clawing at your breasts.
It will be one of the hardest things you’ve done, and one of the easiest, most natural things you have ever done.
And there will be a certain level of pride that your baby is gaining weight and developing because of what your body can do.
This will cause you to think that your boobs and milk have magic properties that will soothe the baby at 1:00 am when the husband can’t get her back to bed. But by 3 am you will be sadly disappointed that the baby is still crying regardless of your boobs.
Some days you’ll hate it. Absolutely hate it. And you will debate calling it quits. But there is a part of you that you never knew existed, that loves the extra cuddles and the content look on her face after she is done nursing. The way she only seems to have eyes for you. And a part of you knows now (what you didn’t know then) that like all the aspects of having kids, that you will someday miss this. And that these days and nights are long but the years are short and before you know it she will be demanding mac and cheese for dinner.