It is the colorful envelope hanging on my sons hook at school, that fills me with a sense of dread. A sure sign that we’ve been invited to a birthday party and that a weekend day will be lost to the hell that is a children’s gym playing the Frozen soundtrack on am endless loop.
It’s not that I don’t like your kid. Or that I don’t want my son to go to the birthday party. But my first thought is “no” when I see that invitation . And I get it. I’ve thrown kids parties, knowing the supreme level of suck that is attending them. But I still don’t want to go and here’s why.
5 Reasons I Hate Kids Birthday Parties.
It’s in the Middle of the Day
>Having a birthday party in the middle of the day is a great idea, except that it sucks up the whole damn day. Between work and school, family time is a commodity at my house. So if I have to choose between valuable family time and watching little Timmy bash a piñata with his friends, then I’m choosing my family. Like I said it’s not that I don’t like your kid, I just prefer to spend my limited family time doing something we all enjoy.
Room Full of Strangers
I hate walking into a room full of people I don’t know or barely know. I hate having to make small talk with a pack of Moms who have already split off into their own little groups; while I stand around on the fringes checking Facebook and wondering when the hell this party ends.
New people and crowds usually require I have a drink or two. Plus alcohol makes everything more entertaining . And makes me less likely to shoot you a dirty look when you offer my kid a second cupcake.
I’m just awful at it. I never have the appropriate paper. If it’s a girls party it’s likely that the only wrapping paper I have is red with superheros on it. And don’t get me started on cards, I never have one, the kids don’t read them and they are a waste of money. I’m always running into CVS when I’m already late for the party in search of a $3 piece of paper that will be trashed.
These little bags filled with cheap plastic crap and candy are a thorn in my side. I have enough trouble stopping the flow of junk that comes in my door via school parties, fast food restaurants and my in-laws that another bag of junk toys just drives me nuts.I get that birthday parties are a big part of the parenting package. I get that they are a great way to make friends with other parents. But I really think that I’ll enjoy birthday parties a lot more when we reach the age where I can drop my son off and head to the nearest Starbucks. Or better yet lets all drop the kids off and head to the nearest bar for a glass of wine and snacks that don’t involve fish shaped crackers.
How do you feel about kids parties, love them, hate them?
And of course we still go to them even though I’m not a fan, because I’m not that mean of a mom.