At the start of this year, I took on some work from home responsibilities. It was something that I have wanted for years, the ability to work from home. But it hasn’t quite been what I envisioned. And some days it’s left me feeling like I have no time just to focus on Jack. While I make my own hours and can work as much or as little as I want, I’m still having trouble balancing it.
So on Thursday as I was finishing up at the office, the song Cats in the Cradle came on. I’ve never really thought one way or another about the song until a friend had told me the song always makes her cry. And as I sat there listening to a song about a father who is always telling his son he’s too busy, all the times that I had said those words the past few months replayed in my mind.
Soon he won’t want to play with me or hug me endlessly or snuggle with me. That feeling that this is all rushing by so fast and before I know it he might not have time for me.
So on Friday I left my lap top shut. I logged zero hours of work. I didn’t blog, I didn’t check my email. I just played with Jack.
These days are long, especially in the winter when I feel like we are on top of each other and cooped up. But these years are also short and I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed something. I don’t want to feel like I was “too busy” or wasn’t paying attention.
And yet I still want a career and I still want to blog, I still want something that’s just for me. And I don’t believe there is a perfect answer. I don’t believe there is a balance in any of this. Being a SAHM was not for me, I needed more. Being a working mom was not for me, I needed less. Being a WAHM is for me and was my ultimate goal. I should feel fullfilled. I should feel grateful, and most days I am. But some days I’m left feeling like I’m falling short.
It's real, all of those feelings. I don't think there is such a thing as true "balance." I read a book called "TILT", and heard the author speak at a conference. She talked about how, as mothers, our scale tilts more toward the children and family sometimes and other times toward work or other pursuits. It's so true. TILT when you need to (not promoting the book, just thinking it it has made me see things differently since reading it). 🙂
I think the idea of balance is impossible. We all just do the best we can.
I try my hardest to get my work-from-home stuff done by the time that I have to pick up my kids from school, but that gives me almost 7 hours since they are in school full day. But it's hard sometimes, not to get more done later on(especially when I'm working with west coast clients who of course expect me to available past their lunchtime). Some days I balance it pretty well, other days I fail.
Yes – I totally get it. I knew I could never be a SAHM. I need to work. I'd love to someday be a WAHM but I suspect I'd have the same challenges. Balance is BS. Stopping by for the 1st time via PYHO!! I write at http://www.atypicalfamilia.com 🙂
Yes – I totally get it. I knew I could never be a SAHM. I need to work. I'd love to someday be a WAHM but I suspect I'd have the same challenges. Balance is BS. Stopping by for the 1st time via PYHO!! I write at http://www.atypicalfamilia.com 🙂